By Chris Berry

A number of particular symptoms can foreshadow dementia, and that means it’s time for the members of a family to prepare for what’s coming next.

Repeating yourself, asking a question or telling a story two or even three times in the same conversation. A formerly decisive person that now struggles to settle on a decisions. A usually strong driver experiencing minor accidents. All of these are potential signs of dementia, but it’s not an easy thing to talk about. Mom gets defensive; dad blows you off; and siblings insist that their mother is doing just fine.

(Related: Family Caregiver Distress Assessment)

All of these are common when families are dealing with the early stages of an illness, but especially with dementia, said Carolyn McClanahan, a physician who became a financial planner and who specializes in end-of-life issues.

“Nobody wants to admit they can’t live independently anymore,” said McClanahan, director of financial planning for Life Planning Partners in Jacksonville, Fla. Denial is common in family members, too, because acknowledging what’s happening can be too painful and frightening.

(Related: Seven Questions To Ask When Searching for Assisted Living)

Denial often results in great cost:

• The individual with symptoms could be suffering another, resolvable issue, like a reaction to medication, a vitamin deficiency or an infection.

• Even if they do have Alzheimer’s, detecting it early allows for treatment with medications that may allow her prolonged independence.

• Delay often prevents the individual from making his or her wishes about their future treatment known, placing the burden on the family. It can rid her of the chance to make imperative financial and legal plans, like protecting her assets and designating someone to make decisions for her when she no longer can.

• People with dementia are more vulnerable to scams, and their poor judgment can leave them financially barren.

“Elderly men are the worst . . . for getting the wool pulled over their eyes,” particularly with investment scams and schemes, McClanahan said. Women are also women.

Certainly people make bad financial decisions without the influence of dementia, but it’s something to watch for. The ability to make good financial choices tends to climax in our late 40s and early 50s, sliding downhill from there, according to research by Federal Reserve economist Sumit Agarwal.

(Related: Losing Money On Bonds and Interest Rate Risk)

The occasional financial mistake may not indicate a problem, but when they become frequent or severe in consequence, it may be a sign of dementia. The Alzheimer’s Association offers some tips for discerning the difference between normal age-related memory issues and incipient dementia:

• Forgetting a word now and then is a normal part of aging. What’s not: using made-up names, such as calling a watch a “hand clock,” or having difficulty carrying on a conversation. Kelley Mercurio of Washington, Pa., said one sign of her grandfather’s early Alzheimer’s was that he got quiet. Avoiding conversation is one way people may try to disguise their inability to keep up.

• Getting confused about the day of the week? That can be normal aging, if the person figures it out later. Likewise, misplacing things isn’t a cause of concern if the person eventually can retrace her steps to find what she’s lost. But if she can’t figure out where she mislaid her keys or what day or season it is, there may be a problem.

• Becoming more set in our ways can be a typical part of aging, and we may get irritated if our routines are disrupted. Big personality or mood changes, however, usually aren’t normal. If someone becomes anxious, easily upset, defensive or suspicious when he didn’t used to be, dementia may be the cause.

“The more angry they get, the more worried you should be,” said Amy Florian, CEO of Corgenius, a Chicago-area company that trains advisers and other professionals how to help clients deal with transition and loss. ” People often resort to anger to cover their emotion for fear and embarrassment. Anger is often a cover emotion for fear and embarrassment. If the family member is wondering about themselves, that can come out as anger.”

One strategy to dismantle their anger and get them to agree to make a visit to the doctor is to mention all of the non-dementia causes of memory problems.

“You might say, ‘Mom, it might be nothing. Maybe you need a shot of vitamin B12 and it will all go away,’” Florian said. “‘You don’t want your friends to accuse you of having dementia and you don’t.’”

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Even if the diagnosis is dementia, there still may be time to prepare for what’s to come. Some tasks that need to be done include:

• Drafting powers of attorney and other documents for dealing with incapacity.

• Creating wills and other estate plans.

• Discussing what kinds of care she does and doesn’t want. The Five Wishes document and the POLST.org site may be helpful.

• Figuring out how to pay for care. A financial planner and an elder-law attorney may be helpful.

• Finding all the paperwork like life insurance or military service records, while she still remembers where it is.

It may be helpful to record family stories and personal reminiscences, Florian said. Short-term memories go first, so ask mom about recent vacations and family events, then work back to earlier memories. If you can’t record a video then write them down.

This will allow you to grow closer with your loved one while helping them prepare for difficult reality.

“People learn things about their parents that they never knew,” Florian said. “It’s comforting to the patient when they can talk about their memories with someone.”

Read more: http://money.msn.com/retirement/how-to-tell-if-mom-is-losing-it-1

Christopher J. Berry is a Michigan elder law attorney Dedicated to helping seniors, veterans and their families navigate the long-term care maze. To learn more visithttp://www.theeldercarefirm.com/ or call 248.481.4000